I love a good fight. Maybe it is because I am a redhead. Or possibly it’s the Irish in me. Or it could just be that I am looking forward to hockey season. But sometimes I get the urge to fight so strongly that I will take the side I don’t believe just to argue. But only if my opponent follows the rules.
In any argument, for any reason, the number one rule must be: No personal attacks. “You idiot!”
Unless you are a prosecutor in a criminal case, you are attacking the point, the belief, the idea, but not the person. Nope, strike that. Even the prosecutor is not attacking the person, just the person’s statement of innocence.
Another important rule: State your case, not just the difference of opinion. “You’re wrong.”
That is the last resort of someone who has no idea why he feels that way, but you had better believe it too, or else. If you can’t explain why you believe something, why should I believe it, too? If that’s all you got, give it up. It’s worse than hearing you mom say, “because I said so.” You will have better luck fighting with a brick wall.
Take as good as you give and give as good as you get. “The sky is blue!” “I’ll do it later.”
Huh? I hear stuff like that all the time. Two people arguing, but neither is listening to a word the other is saying. It is not an argument if you don’t listen to the other person and then defend your point of view ON THE SAME SUBJECT.
Be open-minded. If the other person’s statement and reasons are sound, think about it. Maybe they are right. If you expect to change your opponent’s mind, you have to realize you opponent is trying to do the same to you. No one is right ALL the time. Not even you, my friend.
And don’t forget: Use your own words, not some meaningless babble that you might learn in counseling or an article in some magazine. “I hear you, but…”
That stupid phrase is supposed to tell your opponent that you have listened to their argument. But what it is really telling him is the opposite. “I hear you” translates to “the droning vibrations coming out of your mouth have assailed my ears enough.” And adding “but…” to the end is exactly the same as saying, “You’re wrong, you idiot! The sky is purple and I am not going to change my mind no matter what a fool like you says.”
When I am in the mood for a good fight, and my opponent breaks any of these rules, I take my ball and go home. It’s no fun sparring with someone who hasn’t got a clue how to do it. You might as well argue with your cat.
