One Handed
After months of dropping things from dishes to stitches I finally had the surgery to remove the lump from my hand. My left hand is currently buried under a thick layer of bandages. Instead of a hand, I have a gauze club with a thumb. You have no idea how many things you use two hands for until you don’t have two hands. I couldn’t even figure out how to unfasten my bra. It sure gives me a greater appreciation for my lovely sister-in-law who lost her left arm to cancer several years ago. I spent a week with her last summer and it didn’t seem to slow her down. And I couldn’t even open a can of pet food. Sorry, guys. It’s going to be dry food for a few weeks.
It’s bad enough trying to type with one hand, but when you have angry cats wondering why they are on prison rations batting at the keyboard to get my attention, getting anything done is a joke. After I nearly lost a whole chapter when my big tomcat stepped on the ‘Backspace’ key, I gave up editing my current novel. Besides, the Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook-off was abut to begin. So I sat down on the couch and automatically grabbed the knitting bag. GAACKKK! I can’t knit with one hand! No wonder the doctor gave me so many drugs. So I won’t think about all the things I can’t do.
And who needs a huge bottle of Vicodin? I can’t even take a whole one without falling asleep for twelve hours. Half of one twice a day cuts the pain fine and makes me only a little loopy. I asked my daughter, who is a jailer and so I felt would know people who know people, what I could do with all these pills. Just joking, of course. “How much can I get per pill?” She asked whether I wanted juice or ramen packets. “Juice is a lot more valuable because they can make pruno out of it. You know, jail-made alcohol.” Turns out Vicodin is a valuable commodity. The hard part is tapping into the jail distribution system without getting my daughter fired. There goes that drug-induced idea.
Maybe I’ll just take another pill and sleep. Just to get me another day closer to getting the bandages off.
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